Radio Play: A Real Jerk

CAST

Val - a cocky sounding young boy of 12.

Marty - a young, experienced sounding man of approximately 25 with a slight brooklyn-style accent.

Keeper - older, sloppy sounding man of approximately 50

Officer Finnes- older, experienced sounding authoritatively voiced police officer of approximately 40

---SCENE---

-(Faint background noises of the streets play in the background for a few seconds. As they fade, some rustling is heard - perhaps quick footsteps, crunching of paper)

Val: (whispering) Damn it! There's absolutely nothing in this pile.

Marty: Well, then quit playin' around and look over there. I think I seen a foil wrapper in that heap there... and watch your language, kid.

Val: I told you to quit callin' me 'kid'. My name's Val! I don't forget your name 'Martin'.

Marty: That's Marty. And It's Uncle Marty to you 'kid'!

Val: Yeah, yeah... Great job gettin' us kicked outa the club tonight - you couldn't have just gave him the stupid tip? I mean, come on, it's just fifteen cents! Even I could cough up that much!

Marty: Yeah- well then wadd'ya hold off for? You ate just the same as I did!

Val: (gradually getting a bit louder) Barely! I got two bites into my sandwich before Tommy recognized us. If you hadn't caused such a stupid fuss over that damn tip, we wouldn't be searching around this god-forsaken dump for burger scraps!

Marty: (almost shouthing) I said watch your mouth!

-(more rustling is heard - more footsteps)

Marty: Shh!- (whispering again) over there.

Keeper: (distant shouting) 'Ello? Who's out there?...

-(more footsteps are heard, approaching)

Keeper: (shouting) 'Ello?... Damn, cats.

-(footsteps heard moving further away, then a distant door slam)

Val: (still whispering) Geeze! You almost got us caught again! That'd be the third time this week.

Marty: So what? We was just buggin' people we knew. And that was just this week. So far I've been put away twice, and I don't plan on goin away again. The keeper here's a good friend of your dad's-

Val: (cutting him off) -don't talk about him.

Marty: ...Look, kid, he's your father just as much as my brother. Just 'cause he's locked up doesn't change that alright? Besides, Sammy was still good to you, wasn't he?

Val: (a bit louder) He was a jerk. A stupid jerk!

Marty: Shh!- He was not a jerk. He did what he had to do, and he's a good man for it. Now go look in that pile over there and find somethin'. I'm starvin' over here.

-(some more shifting and rustling is heard)

Val: Hey! Hey Marty, come over here!

Marty: Anything good?

Val: You kiddin'? It's like someone threw out a Christmas dinner over here! There's at least two cans of beans, half a sandwich,- what is that, a porkchop? We got porkchops!

Marty: Hehe, good job, kid- I mean Val.

Val: Lets get outta here- you got somethin' to wrap this up?

Marty: Yeah, here's a cloth.

Val: (over some rustling noises) Come on, hurry up!

Marty: I'm goin'... (rustling noises stop) Ok, let's get the hell outa' here.

Val: 'Watch you're language, Marty'.

Marty: Yeah, shut up, kid.

-(After a beat, a crash of dropped glass or metal is heard)

Marty: Val!

Val: Sorry.

-(A distant gunshot noise is heard)

Keeper: (distant shouting) Who's there?

Val: (Shouting) Shit!

Marty: Break for it!

-(Rapid footsteps are heard)

Keeper: Marty? That better not be you again! I swear I'll... I'm calling the cops.

-(The sound of footsteps fade out as street sounds pick up. After a few seconds, the street sounds fade back into footsteps accompanied by light wind sounds)

Val: (out of breath as the footsteps stop) They're... they're comin' for us Marty... Damn it!

Marty: Relax... we're safe here. Cops never check around the docks at this time of night... Not unless... not unless there's a bust, and I didn't see no-one.

Val: Ok... (catching breath) I think you dropped a can.

Marty: What?

Val: Beans. I think you dropped a can of beans.

Marty: (after shuffling) ...Aw, geeze. When?

Val: When we passed, uh... what's that store with the crappy sausage rolls?

Marty: That's that Sphinton place on Elmore. That ain't too far.

Val: Can we go back and get it?

Marty: No, we can't go back and get it, you Idiot. The cops ain't stupid, they'll patrol someone anywhere between here and the dump- it's procedure.

Val: Of course we can't go back and get it now. I didn't say to go back and get it now- I meant we wait an hour or two, then go back and get it.

Marty: ...Fine. We'll go back and get it. First we gotta wait, though... We just gotta wait.

-(The wind sounds pick up for a moment, then fade back into the street noises)

Marty: (under his breath) Well, where is it?

Val: I think we dropped it when we ran through this alley. Right around... There!

Marty: Great- now lets get outta-

Finnes: (Cutting him off) You can stop right there, Marty.

Marty: Val, get outta here.

Val: No, I'm not leavin' without you.

Marty: What are you, stupid? Get outta here damn it!

Finnes: Relax, Marty. I'm just here for you. Geeze, you gotta do somethin' stupid on my shift, don't you? Kid, beat it.

Val: No! I'm not leavin' without Marty.

Finnes: Well you're not comin' with us kid.

Marty: Come on, Val, get out of here.

Val: No! You're just like Sammy! He told me I was just a stupid kid, and told me to go away! Now he's in prison! I'm not just a stupid kid, damn it. (starting to cry) God damn it, You're not gonna just leave me like this!

Marty: ...Finnes, give me a minute with him.

Finnes: Look, It's the end of my shift, and my wife's probably worried sick about-

Marty: (cutting him off) I'm talkin' about a minute, Finnes.

Finnes: Fine. You got one minute. And that's Officer Finnes, Marty.

Marty: Yeah, yeah... Val, listen to me. Third time losers don't just pop out in a week or two, I'm goin away for a while. I've got five bucks in my pocket - that's food for a week. Give it to aunt Donna, and tell her what happened - she's gonna take care of you from now on.

Val: (Choked through tears) This is bullshit!

Marty: Watch your mouth. And don't try to come see me anytime soon - I've had enough trouble outta you. Just do your schoolwork, alright?

Val: I... (crying less now) fine Marty.

Marty: Alright, then get the hell outta here. Lets go, 'Officer'.

Finnes: It's a shame, Marty.

Marty: What do I care 'bout it? He's just a stupid kid.

Val: You're a jerk, Marty. A real jerk, you know that?

-(Rapid footsteps are heard fading away)

Marty: Yeah, yeah. I'm a real jerk.

-(Footsteps heard, fading into street noises, fading into nothing)
(OR, Footsteps heard, fading into music, fading into nothing)

END OF SCENE